Step Two: Illuminate Your Path by Defining Your Core Values
Negative self-talk often manifests as a relentless inner critic, whispering doubts and insecurities that undermine our confidence. It convinces us that we are not enough, that our dreams are unattainable, and that failure is inevitable. This internal dialogue can be paralyzing, preventing us from taking the necessary steps toward our goals.
Negative self-talk is a pervasive force that can stifle growth, diminish self-esteem, and obscure our sense of direction. The journey to overcoming this internal adversary is transformative, opening the door to a life of purpose and clarity. In my 2022 book, “Godfidence,” I delve into the profound impact of silencing negative self-talk and embracing a confident, faith-in-yourself-driven mindset.
You must give yourself grace because this is a test that you can’t score 100% on routinely, none of us can. Our job is to make sure we come as close as possible to 100% through self-awareness and catching ourselves doing and saying things to ourselves that aren’t nice. This neuro-circuitry has developed deep channels over the years of rarely interrupting ourselves when we think something about our weight, appearance, performance, comparison, and self-judgment. It takes time to rebuild neuro-circuitry and it takes repetition. So, please adopt this practice with grace for yourself, as it is you, the reader of this article, who is the most important part of this equation. You matter and you are worth making the small sacrifice of following the direction of these seven steps as outlined in Godfidence. I know from deep, bottom-of-my-heart experience, that this material works, and I’m convinced I’m compressing decades of my suffering into the easiest path forward, which is the seven steps. Limiting negative self-talk is the first step.
Save yourself $150 and instead spend $15 on a book before you start shelling out money to a professional. There are exceptions to this and I’m not anti-therapy in the least. Especially for certain situations. But if you’re anything like me, this shit will help to get you to a place where you want to be and to feel happy about yourself, life, and the role you play in life. We need you! The world needs you to be the best version of yourself possible.
Here is a quick wrap-up of last week’s message and what Step One is all about. Then we’re off to Step 2.
1. Awareness: The first step is recognizing the presence of negative self-talk. Pay attention to your inner dialogue and identify patterns of negativity. Do certain people, places, or things make you feel worse about yourself?
2. Challenge: Once aware, challenge these negative thoughts. Ask yourself if they are based on facts or merely fears and insecurities.
3. Reframe: Replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations. Focus on your strengths and past successes as evidence of your capability.
4. Faith and Confidence: Embrace the concept of “Godfidence,” intertwining faith with confidence. Believe that you are guided and supported in your journey. You may not feel like you’re at this level yet but stay the course and a manifestation of self-confidence and faithful purpose will appear as a coincidence. This happens in a way that makes you realize there is no such thing as coincidence.
Step Two — Gain Clarity by Listing Values
With newfound confidence and positivity, the next step is to gain clarity on your path forward. Here’s how to navigate this phase effectively:
1. Reflect on Your Values: Take out a sheet of paper and just start brainstorming values that come to your mind. You will come up with things like honesty, exercise, loyalty, integrity, reading, writing, learning, etc. Come up with 25–40 values that come to mind.
2. Set Clear Intentions: Now I want you to rank those values from most important to important. Every value you wrote down is something that you value. I want you to rank them in order of importance to you. Keep it simple, don’t overthink it. Our values are always changing and adapting, except for a few. Clear values act as a compass, guiding your actions and decisions. Ensure your intentions are aligned with your values and long-term vision.
3. Organize the Values into Groups of Five: Visualize your values and group them. So, values 1–5 are Group or “Tier 1.” Values 5–10 are “Tier 2” and so on. This tangible representation of your aspirations can serve as a daily reminder of where you are headed. If you had written down 25 total values, you should have 5 Tiers ranked by importance. Mind you, there is going to be very, very little difference between Tier 2 and Tier 5.
4. Consider Tier 1 Values: What do these values tell you about yourself? What do they tell you about your past experiences? What do they tell you about who you married or if you’re single, what personality type you would want to attract and align values with in the future? This is a micro-step within Step Two that can propel you to happiness levels you never knew existed. I mentioned earlier that our values are constantly changing depending on a variety of life events and circumstances. I have found that very few of your Tier 1 Values will change. Maybe 1 of the 5 changes from time to time, but Tier 1 is a place to spend considerable thought because it will tell you a lot about yourself and make sense of a lot of past experiences.
Certain values within Tiers 2–5 will adapt and change all the time, and that’s fine. Tier 1 tells you who you truly are and what you truly care about when that annoying voice of inner doubt begins to plant thoughts of negativity in your mind, Tier 1 makes it a lot easier to let those thoughts go. This plan will provide structure and direction.
5. Seek Guidance: Surround yourself with mentors and supportive individuals who can offer guidance and encouragement. Their insights can provide valuable perspective and help you stay on track. Mentors have helped me so much in my life and moved the needle so far, that I can’t say enough about finding a good mentor that you jive with. This person should have something that you want. They should exude some quality or leadership or things they say radiate with you. It doesn’t need to be a formal thing. Just try to be around them, or read their content, sign up for their courses, do whatever it takes to absorb information from them that you can observe, and ask yourself objective questions related to your Tier 1’s. I’m a person who takes notes constantly, not everyone works this way, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But take notes, if you can. Every great leader in history and in today’s world has one common personality trait … they all take notes. It’s wild to read about leaders that lived 300 years apart, or more, and they took notes. So that’s why I take notes, but by writing things down, we are 22 times more likely to retain that information.
The idea is to learn from another human. This can be indirect in today’s day and age. I have people who follow me on multiple platforms and like or comment on my material. This isn’t a pitch to choose me for your mentor. If you’re reading this far, to a large degree, you have already chosen me as one of your mentors. Learn, learn, learn using your Tier 1 Values to continue shunning that persistent voice of negativity and not being enough.
6. We are just getting started, but the people I have seen take Step 2 seriously and do the assignment, have never looked back. Their lives have gone from good to great to unstoppable. I often hear, “It can’t be this easy?” Ya, it is, because I suffered through miserable experience after miserable experience to refine the things that work so by the time you work on them, they are designed to be easy. Spending 15–30 minutes some weekend day writing down values will be the single best thing you can do to improve your identity and know your standing in the world. Be open to adjusting your path as you gain new insights and experiences. Flexibility ensures you remain resilient in the face of challenges.
Now that we’ve covered the six action steps required for Step Two, let’s look at some historical examples of those who have gained clarity. Consider the story of Nelson Mandela, who, after years of imprisonment, emerged with a clarity of purpose that led him to dismantle apartheid in South Africa. His inner transformation during his incarceration fueled his external mission, showcasing the power of mastering one’s internal dialogue.
When he was imprisoned, he wrote a book that was about 270 pages long. The guards found it and they destroyed it. All those hours, over 50,000 words written with what he could fashion together with dull pencils and paper that were considered by the guards to be contraband. Instead of giving up, he knew his Tier 1 Values and he knew that he needed to write something that people needed to read, but also to get him through his long days of confinement in prison. He started over. This time, he was able to get colored pencils and instead of keeping the book in his cell, he colored the top page the same color as the bark on a tree that was in the courtyard of the prison. He colored it so it blended in with the colors of the tree, making it undetectable to the guards. Who would look in a tree? His idea worked and he left prison with that book and those pages all written over again. He had inner faith, knew his values, and knew despite being in prison, where he was going. Clarity was an impossible strength for Mr. Mandela.
Another inspiring example is Helen Keller, who, despite being deaf and blind, knew exactly where she was going and transformed her internal narrative to become an author, political activist, and lecturer. Her story is a testament to the incredible clarity and determination that can arise from overcoming internal challenges … even if we can’t quite see them. For more information on Helen Keller, I’ve written an article about her before, and you can find that article here.
Clarity is more than just a vision; it is the foundation upon which we build our actions. It provides direction, focus, and motivation. When we are clear about where we are headed, we can prioritize our efforts, make informed decisions, and confidently navigate obstacles.
The journey toward clarity is ongoing. It requires continual reflection, adjustment, and perseverance. Embrace this journey with an open heart and mind, celebrating each step forward. Remember that clarity is not a destination but a dynamic process that evolves with you.
Mastering negative self-talk is a monumental step toward personal transformation. It paves the way for gaining clarity on your life’s path. By setting clear intentions by knowing our values, creating actionable plans based on those values, and staying adaptable, you can navigate your journey with confidence and purpose. Embrace the power of clarity and let it illuminate your path to a fulfilling and meaningful life.
As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.” With clarity and confidence, decide to be the person who not only dreams but also acts upon those dreams, forging a path that is uniquely your own.
Any questions, comments, suggestions, or anything reach out to me CSTwitty2@Gmail.com
